Navigating Summer Logistics with Co-Parenting
Co-Parenting Techniques
Tips to help you navigate a usually fun season by using co-parenting skills and techniques to help your child thrive.
Here in Michigan, summer is incredibly special. Camps abound; sports are a given; and with all the lakes, swimming lessons (or swim teams) seem like a must. As a parent who loves their child and wants what’s best for them in each and every season, you weigh your options carefully to include your kiddos in the most valuable (and fun) activities available to them. But what happens when you now find yourself divorced and co-parenting through this stage? Here are some practical tips to help summers stay special for your child while you and your co-parent manage the details.
Cooperation As A Divorced Couple Is Key
Communicate. First, both parents need to talk with your child(ren) to ensure you know what they’re interested in doing. Learn how they would like to spend their time. If you can weed out what’s in your head and get into their head, you’ll be able to make a plan tailored to the child.
Once your child has shared their desires, it’s time for the co-parents to communicate and potentially even compromise. With the advancements in technology, we don’t come short of options! With shared calendars, co-parenting apps, and countless other ways to communicate, the logistics of making summer successful are in reach.
To successfully navigate the season, however, it’s important to recognize that compromises might need to be made in the parenting time schedule in order to accommodate activity days and times. Just remember to keep your child’s growth and advancement a priority. This focus can make working together much easier.
Plan Ahead
Now that you know what your child would like to participate in this summer, and you see your role in making it happen, it’s time to recognize that schedules aren’t necessarily in your control anymore. Coaches choose practice and game times, and summer means day-time events as opposed to after-school activities. Both parents will need to be aware of what’s happening and willing to help get the kids from point A to point B, if it helps the child. Planning ahead and communicating is going to be the glue that holds it all together.
Below are other items you’ll need to consider as co-parents. If agreements cannot be made in those areas, planning ahead also allows time to obtain a court order, should the situation warrant it, and court orders can take a bit of time. You’ll want to allow for that, so your child doesn’t have to miss out on their activity.
Communicate
You know you have to communicate with your kids and each other, but at this stage, be sure to also communicate with the leaders or coaches of the camp, sport, theatrical production, etc. Leaders should be aware of your specific situation, the transportation schedule, and the expectations everyone has moving forward. This will help them help you.
Additional Considerations
Who will pay for the classes, camps, activities, equipment, and experiences? Should it be the person who suggests it? Should it be the parent who pays for the majority of such expenses, according to the order of the court? Should the attorneys get involved? What about transportation? Perhaps instead of arguing about who has to drive, consider it an honor to spend time with your kids in the car. As they grow, they have more and more interesting perspectives to offer. Take advantage of this gift of time.
Our hope is that you, as co-parents, can reach amicable agreements for the sake of the child, and that you both can compromise for his or her good. Our hope is also that both parents will be involved and excited about the activity your child is involved in.
If this cannot happen, either (1) the attorneys need to get involved or (2) the activity needs to be canceled. The first option can be time consuming and costly, and the second option can ultimately cause unwarranted harm to your child. Should it come to one of these last 2 options, it gets harder and harder for both parents to be excited about and invested in your child’s opportunities and events. It also means that once the precedent of “being difficult” has been set, the other co-parent might be more apt to follow suit.
Mediation Is An Option
Sometimes mediation is warranted and is, in fact, what’s best for the good of the child. Consider bringing a neutral third party in to help both co-parents view the situation reasonably and bring to light compromises that haven’t been considered yet.
Items To Remember As You Co-parent
You and your co-parent are vital individuals in your child’s life! Even though you’re divorced, you’re still on Team (insert your child’s name here)! Your goal as parents is to raise adults who are loving, confident, kind, helpful, and generally good humans. Children model what they see, so even if your co-parent is falling behind in modeling these attributes successfully (or even if you’re falling short at times, too), each day is a new day, and you can choose to be a better model your children can look up to. Rise up, Parent. You can do this.
If you need help navigating these waters, you aren’t alone. Anne Tuinstra, from the law offices of Buckman MacDonald & Brown PC, is here to mediate, offer sound legal advice, and be a generally good human — ultimately helping you along the way.